"Why do you READ that CRAP?"

by Kathleen Lynch

I am a believer in Wifely Submission.

OK, now that you are done snorting and hooting, read on.

I could give you a scripture list here. I could rehash all the arguments that are on a zillion other sites and that are covered extensively in books such as Martha Peace's "Excellent Wife" or Mary Pride's "The Way Home" But rather than waste bandwidth, I'm just going to tell you what I was like before I was convicted of this practice by scripture and some wonderful older women on the net.(Kathy Walters, I'm talking about you, sister! Hugs!!!) and how it's changed my life. And yes, I had to find the women to discuss this with on the Internet. It's not a popular belief in churches today, this submission thing.

Full of good intentions, and excited about finding the Lord's will in my life, I introduced the subject to one Christian woman face to face and told her of Martha Peace's Books, I was met with an angry retort:"Why do you READ that CRAP" Ouch. It took me a while to sift through it, but the conclusion I come to is this: No matter how you look at the Lord's messages about women, whether your exegis determines that it's not pertinant to today's culture for the man to be the leader of the home or that it is, it's pretty obvious that when someone calls another person's conclusion on the study of the word "crap" that they are approaching it with an angry and defensive attitdue which is certainly not pleasing to God. There is a big difference between saying something is crap and something is wrong. Let it be known that even if you are a lesbian seperatist feminist who thinks men SHOULDN'T be ordained, I don't think your views are crap.. just wrong.

If you read my article on Wicca, you know that I was a witch. I was also raised in a feminstic society by a mother (God Bless her, even if she's misguided, I love you Mom! ) with feministic leanings, and I was *also* sexually harrased and abused by male power figures outside of the home in my early adolescense, as well as by older boys as a child, and physically abused by my first husband. Combine that with an IQ above 70 and some talents, and you have the perfect recipie to make a radical feminazi, and I was one for a time.

As I said in the Wicca article, a good number of Wiccans honor only the Goddess side of that supposedly dual dietal system ( God/Goddess) and I was in that camp most of my Wiccan years. I thought I was Goddess. And as such, I felt it was my due to be paid homage to by men,in all kinds of ways, for all kinds of reasons. I ranged between raging at men,competing with men, demanding from men, and seducing men from the time I was about 15 years old. My second husband ( who I call my real husband) took the brunt of these ungodly attitdues of mine. Our marriage crashed to the ground on two seperate occasions, due to my selfishness, my arrogance, and my anger, with some demonic help thrown in for lighter fluid to our charchol pile of problems. Oh, he's not perfect.. he crossed a lot of lines.. but see, God convinced me that if I wanted to save my marriage, I had to focus on what I did wrong, not what my husband did wrong.

Since I embraced this conviction of submission, I feel that our house is much more peaceful and happy, my marriage much more stable, and my heart much more in tune with God. Sometimes it's hard.. my husband is not a believer..but God has been working on him.. the pile of problems is much smaller and more manageable these days. I know that I often fail, but now I can, with time and prayer, see where I failed rather than automatically blaming everything on him. And God has been generous in handing out the miracles in our lives. Some of the events that have changed our life include a better job for my husband, where he is safe, ( a roof collapse nearly killed him on his last job, right after my father died) health insurance, my finding a church that I can feel at home in and who accepts me, and the resolution of a long standing situation in the neighborhood I live in that was dangerous and difficult for all who lived here. My husband has, even though he is not interested in attending church at this time, proved to have an interest in the spiritual side of his household, along with a keen knowledge of scripture, and has given my daughter and I some sound guidance. He now allows prayers at the dinner table, and encourages my daughter to say her prayers at bedtime when he puts her up. This is a far cry from where we used to be, and I thank God for it.

What does Submission look like in my home? I have to start by saying again, I don't do this perfectly. I often fall short of it. But here's what I try to do.

First of all, I think of him first in all matters.. What we eat, what I wear, and what we do. This has led me to try doing some things I didn't think I would like.. playing games with him and his friends that I don't particularly care for... preparing food I would rather not eat.. but I have learned to play his games, and am learning to see God working in his friends, even the ones that drive me crazy. It means that I don't just go off and leave our daughter in his care when he has worked hard all week so that I can have my space, unless he has voulenteered for the job. It means that I apologize when I have lost my temper and yelled, for any reason, because addressing him in that manner, no matter what he did to provoke it, is a sin in the eyes of God and disrespectful. It means that I structure my days and my sleep cycles ( and caffine intake ) so that I can spend some time with him in the evenings if he chooses to do so ( Left to my own devices, I would rise at dawn and be in bed at 8 or 9 tops) It means letting him choose what night is going to be movie night.. it means letting him choose the movie It means letting him sleep late on Saturday and Sunday if he wants too.. and it means letting him pick the day we go to the Zoo, ect, with our child.

You know, in retrospect, now that I have spent about 6 months in this mode, I begin to see a lot of what we call "Submission" is just the common courtesy of how we should deal with each other out of love. Love is patient, Love is Kind....Love is not stamping your feet and screaming "give me MY own way!" (Free Translation ) It really is sad how much people in this culture are conditioned to self-centeredness, myself included.

What it doesn't mean is taking physical abuse, being a doormat, not negotiating for or even not having an opinion ( ME? Not have or voice my opinion??? Are you KIDDING???)

As a result, I have a husband who likes to go places with me again on "dates". (Our dates tend to be trips to flea markets... we both have a collection bug ) I have a husband who voulenteers to watch our daughter. I have a husband who, on Easter, got out of bed to dress our daughter for church ( I was at an early class.. then I would have come back, awakened her, and dressed her for church) when it is his habit to sleep till noon on Sunday. I have a husband who made me a handcrafted wooden footstool for Mother's day. I would hope that he would call me a blessing, because that's what I'm trying to be to him by being a Submissive Wife (Trying, Trying, Still Trying.....) .

Kathleen Lynch